Submerged

Tub-o-lard (and current winner of the fat Elvis lookalikey contest) Steven Seagal is Cody, a flaccid army-man released from jail to head a Dirty Dozen (67) mission in a hectic action thriller that pulls no punches in a buzzy, souped-up story about neo-cortex thought projection and remote controlled assassins.

Basically, there’s a whole lot of movie plot pillaging here so there’s bits of Clockwork Orange (71), The Rock (96) and, aww hell. Just watch it. Seagal’s team is made up of specialists played by cool English actors and even has Vinnie Jones—yeah. I know. But he’s a sniper with tourettes and has a fantastic fight in a hotel room that you just gotta see.

Co written by Hickox, you don’t get to see much more than Seagal’s chubby face (which is mostly in shadow) coz Steve is way too fat in this to do much of anything other than eat (I guess) and it’s hilarious watching him trying to run, fight or throw a kick coz... well, he’s really lame. Actually, it’s quite shocking to hear him burble his lines (in a southern drawl) and he really, really looks like Elvis—after he died.

Strange too that during the movie Vinnie calls someone Elvis as an insult and the costume designer was someone called Elvis Davis! Coincidence? I think not.