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Adventure

The Million Eyes of Sumuru

The Million Eyes of Sumuru

Filmed partially in Shaw Bros Hong Kong studios, produced by Harry Alan Towers and based on characters created by Fu Manchu author Sax Rohmer, here's a vintage slice of ice-cool girl power spy action starring 60's uber-fox Shirley Eaton as chinese devil woman Su Maru—a homicidal villain with an obedient army of killer hellcats worthy of any 007 outing.

Tarzan in the Valley of Lust

Tarzan in the Valley of Lust

Colour, 16mm jungle sex swings from a vine and dangles its leafy salami in your face. Chris Robin is Jayne, a blonde airhead in a fur bikini who goes for a scrub in a stream. A man in a monkey suit (Al Martin) attacks the damp and terrified lady until Tarzan (the aptly branded Duane Prodd) shows up and stabs the manky monkey in the balls with a jungle knife.

Wake of Death

Wake of Death

When shady club owner Ben Archer's wife is murdered, he'll stop at nothing to get back at the Triad members who did it. It's JCVD versus Simon Yam in this surprisingly violent—and even more surprisingly, decent—revenge flick.

Enteng Kabisote

Enteng Kabisote

This bizarre Filipino fantasy film contains all sorts of things that sound interesting. Laser guns, flaming swords, martial arts, demons, irritating talking horses, ape/ninjas, and an interestingly dressed gay man-creature who calls himself Super Bird.

Sound good? Well, it’s not.

Tiger Heart

Tiger Heart

Have you ever wanted to see a martial arts film starring a nerdy, irritating teenager? A film that looks like it came from the 80s, filled with stupid dialog, laughable acting, glaring continuity errors, and silly fights? How about a plot that's nearly straight out of the video game Double Dragon? If so, Tiger Heart is the movie for you!

She

She

Like me, you’ll be wondering how much LSD was dropped during the writing of this cheap, crazy post apocalyptic production which transports H. Ryder Haggard’s mythical character ‘She’ (Aisha) into the 23rd century after the ‘Cancellation’.
 
Sandahl Bergman (Conan The Barbarian -82) is the very sassy, limber, future-god who controls a vast army of loyal savage sisters that help her rule the barren, tribal wasteland where everybody dresses up in a mix of clothing stolen from hookers, pimps, housewives, baseball players, medieval knights, camp priests, mimes and especially American footballers!

Land of Doom

Land of Doom

Utterly hilarious, piss-poor post apocalyptic bollox from cheap town USA that basically steals the look, characters and plot wholesale from Mad Max 2 (81). Deborah Rennard is a desert warrior/super model called Harmony "Don't touch me!" who joins forces with a rock-jawed hero called Anderson (Garrick Dowhen) to fight a group of super gay leather/metal biker boys led by the meanest hairdresser you ever saw.

Taarzan the Wonder Car

Taarzaan the Wonder Car Poster

Some descriptions practically beg a person who likes bad movies to watch the movie involved. Such is the case with Taarzan the Wonder Car, a film about a car designer who is murdered and comes back as a vengeful car.

Taarzan is like a psychotic Herbie the Love Bug gone completely off his medications. But don't let the movie fool you into thinking it's a bizarre automotive remake of Death Wish. In between car-delivered-justice sequences, large sections of the movie are devoted to light-hearted romantic comedy.

The Seventh Curse

The Seventh Curse

The Seventh Curse is a prime example of Hong Kong film-making at its craziest and most over the top. It's goofy, violent, and fun. Filled with kung fu, evil sorcerers, the undead, gunfights, crazy alien baby monsters, gore, human sacrifice, ass-kicking monks, and Chow Yun Fat. If you haven't seen it, you should.

King Kong Lives

King Kong Lives

After a brief flashback to the finale of King Kong (76) in which the big ape is machine gunned from the roof of the WTC twin towers, we then zip ahead 10 years and Linda Hamilton (Terminator - 84) is a head surgeon looking for a miracle that will save the large monkeys life (that's right, Kong is still alive and on life support!).

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