Some films inspire people to do things. At their best, they can inspire deep feelings, heartfelt actions, and art beyond the film itself.
Beyond the Lost World might actually accomplish some of these things, but not because it sets out to do so. No, it might inspire feelings, but they'll probably be rage or depression. It might inspire actions, such as throwing your copy of the film on a roaring fire. And it might inspire art, but only because a viewer will think “Jesus, I can make something better than this movie.”
When a film’s opening credits include pornstars, has-beens, and talentless unknowns, you have some idea what you’re in for right off the bat. With tantalizing names like Julie Strain, Fembomb, Lilith Stabs, and Syn Devil, it’s obvious that this is a lineup of stellar thespians.
And then there’s the plot: silly-looking robots are struggling to exterminate flesh-eating rubber bugs. Unfortunately their best “man” has become a serial killer. He likes to peel the flesh off half-naked (or totally naked) women. After a murdering spree he sometimes likes to unwind at robot confession (robot exterminators believe in god?), which doesn’t work all that well since his vocabulary consists of “Boom boom boom!”
Tub-o-lard (and current winner of the fat Elvis lookalikey contest) Steven Seagal is Cody, a flaccid army-man released from jail to head a Dirty Dozen (67) mission in a hectic action thriller that pulls no punches in a buzzy, souped-up story about neo-cortex thought projection and remote controlled assassins.
Westerners Nick Reece, Trudy Calder and Lucas Byrne star in this totally insane far east cocktail of exploitation super trash that defies sense, reality and logic to such an extent that you may suffer an out of body experience while viewing it.
Utterly hilarious, piss-poor post apocalyptic bollox from cheap town USA that basically steals the look, characters and plot wholesale from Mad Max 2 (81). Deborah Rennard is a desert warrior/super model called Harmony "Don't touch me!" who joins forces with a rock-jawed hero called Anderson (Garrick Dowhen) to fight a group of super gay leather/metal biker boys led by the meanest hairdresser you ever saw.
It's easy to see why the 1996 Bollywood movie Papi Gudia has enjoyed some minor interest among English language movie review sites this year. The synopsis is the stuff that bad movie dreams are made of: remake Child's Play as a Bollywood musical.
Now and then a movie comes along that words simply cannot adequately describe. City Dragon is one of those movies. If I tried to list every single thing that was wrong with it, this would be a hell of a long review and I'd have to watch it several times in a row just to try to catch them all. I'm not that strong.