July 27, 2008 by DF Dresden
Many people think Ed Wood Jr. is the absolute worst film maker ever to pinch out a movie, but they’re very wrong. I know, because Charles E. Cullen is that bastard. It’s pretty hard to describe this feature without making it sound 14 times better than it really is, so it’s best to ignore the following rant and go watch something that’ll ultimately enrich your life instead of sucking your mind dry of the will to live (and possibly pushing you into thinking an afternoon of murder/suicide at the mall could be a good thing).
Incredibly, this absolutely awful, time-stealing hunk of crap is even worse and far more shoddy than Cullen’s previous SUPER BADASS (98) - a movie I can now regard (after viewing this) as a fucking masterpiece. Horribly long at 100 excruciatingly bad, inept, piss-poor minutes, Cullen even provides the limping country music soundtrack which jumpcuts every time there’s an edit, which is not only technically dumb, it’s really, really, really, really, annoying and makes this shot on video, zero budget stinkball practically unwatchable. Then again, maybe you have to be on crack to endure it or you’re supposed to watch it in FF or I’m completely missing the joke..... Nope, fuck it. This is a just shit. Seriously, if you put this movie on a stick, you could hoist it aloft and truthfully announce to the world “Hey look! I got shit on a stick!”. Go ahead tho’, you fucking watch it. It’s about rodeo clowns and has drunken, drug dealing puppets, an evil preacher cult, very long, unedited out-takes, unending zoom shots, fake noses, a cap gun fight, repeated scenes and a man in a chicken suit. Buy it with money from Chuck himself at cullenstudios.net.
Killer Klowns
I can honestly say that Killer Klowns from Kansas on Krack is the worst movie I have EVER watched, and I have watched some truly awful movies as of late.(thank you lurple:)
While the theme song which loops bokenly in the background(who dosn't love a song about corndogs for breckfast)you get to witness a horse,crying klowns,a piece of paper and some guy who from what I could tell had no real purpose other than to walk around.
That pretty much sums up the whole five minutes of the movie that my brother subjected me to,and that I could make it through with out a shot of some seriouse pain killers,a little krack,major brain removel surgery and a hell of a LOT of under age drinking.
Worst movie ever? Quite possibly.
I've watched a lot of crap, and this is the worst thing I've ever seen. The worst 15 minutes I've ever seen, anyway, because that's all I could take. It may be a long time before something else claims the throne, especially since I don't think I can watch anything else Charles E. Cullen makes.
Incidentally, the horrible song in the beginning of the movie can also be bought on Mr. Cullen's website, along with other potentially awful music. I believe this track was called "Fading Into the Light".
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