King Kong Lives

After a brief flashback to the finale of King Kong (76) in which the big ape is machine gunned from the roof of the WTC twin towers, we then zip ahead 10 years and Linda Hamilton (Terminator - 84) is a head surgeon looking for a miracle that will save the large monkeys life (that's right, Kong is still alive and on life support!).

Seconds later, non-actor/big mouth Brian Kerwin stumbles across a giant lady Kong (with boobs!) in Borneo and Linda has her miracle in the form of giant monkey plasma. Cue surgeons on scaffolding, big tubes, gigantic clamps, monster size drips and an artificial heart the size of a burger stand, and wow. How the fuck did all the actors keep a straight face through all this? After the operation Kong and his 'wife' are played by two guys in ape suits (they get a screen credit) and the pair live in a badly matted warehouse amid piles of tiny bananas until there's a romantic freak out and much monkey mayhem.

So bad is this movie, I've watched it numerous times and enjoyed every single awful second of it every time. Of course, I've been drunk, but how else are ya expected to sit thru such sad dialogue and terrible FX by Carlo Rimbaldi. Nobody really needs to see monkey love on this scale but hey, it's one of the greatest laugh-out-loud party films you can see. Linda Hamilton should get an Oscar... and use it to club her booking agent into a fucking coma.