So You've Made a Crappy Movie

Lately I've noticed a few actors or directors railing against public opinion of their work, posting highly-rated reviews of their own films on IMDB or complaining on message boards.

People, it's the internet so you're certainly free to do that—complaining is the #2 use of the net after porn. However, it's genuinely amusing when your body of work is hard to regard as anything other than garbage. But I'm not here to make fun of your crappy movie; that's what my reviews are for.  No, I'm here to offer you some advice and to salve your wounded souls.

So you've made a crappy movie.  You're not alone in the world! Thousands of people have been involved in making lousy movies; they're just so much easier to make than good movies. Some of them have gone on to be famous and rich. Keep this in mind—you might not be talented but even that might not stop you. Look at Halle Berry; she won an Oscar, but that never kept her from making lots of crappy movies before and after the award. See Catwoman. Or Gothika. Jon Voight won an Oscar too, but that didn't stop him from making SuperBabies: Baby Geniuses 2 or Anaconda! People still make fun of Ishtar and it had a tremendous budget.

The most important thing to keep in mind is that people are talking about your crappy movie. The old saying "No PR is bad PR" is true; if no one is talking about your lousy film at all that means no one is watching it. Isn't it better to have people laughing at your film than not knowing it exists? Sure, it's tough to handle as an artist, but take it in stride. At least someone out there has heard of you!

No matter what creative industry you work in, at one point you feel the sting of critiscm. Hell, I once worked on a PC game that had a review which said: "Pros: Comes with an uninstaller". It didn't upset me because it really was one of the game's better features, and even though the game sucked working on it was a good experience. Plus the review was funny.

So, bad movie makers, I say to you: you've made a crappy movie. Enjoy it! You've taken the first step to achieving B-movie fame on the internet. Either have a good time making crappy movies or learn from it and make something better. Enjoy the fact that people have taken the time to watch and write about your film. While you're doing that, we'll be enjoying your crappy films—as much as possible.