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feasting on cinematic leftovers

Gong Tau

Gong Tau

After sitting thru' the outrageous CAT III blood 'n' guts of Yau's Untold Story (92), Taxi Hunter (93) and Ebola Syndrome (96), I was more than willing to view this feature—especially as it concerns its sick self with Gong Tau (black magic). Yau's movies always stop short of brilliant and although overlooked and considered a mere exploitation hack by some, it's worth noting he's always shown a surprisingly mean streak when it comes to the inclusion of hideous gore, mad mutilation, sick death and awful murder in a 'fuck you it's on the screen so deal with it' sort of way which always makes his stuff worth checking out.

Sentenced to Hang

Sentenced to Hang

Kent Cheng (Run And Kill—93) stars as 'Hair Sticker', a fat man that works part time as a merkin applicator in a strip joint. Tired of being bullied and beaten down by harsh bosses and life, he, his friends Tony Leung (Dragon Inn—92) and Chang Shan get drunk and decide to organise a hasty kidnap which quickly goes wrong.

Fireball

Fireball

What happens when you mix basketball with Thai kickboxing, pipes, brass knuckles and knives? A whole lot of people get hurt; it’s so brutal that fatalities are not uncommon.

There are two ways to win the sport of Fireball—score a single basket, or be the only team with men left standing. Scoring a basket sounds easy but it becomes a lot harder when people are beating the hell out of you.

Dead and Deader

Dead and Deader

One time TV Superman and presenter of Ripley's Believe It Or Not, Dean 'I smell dead people' Cain comes back from a jungle mission (along with his entire platoon) in a body bag. But, thanks to zombie scorpions (yep, really), Dean and his squad are not entirely dead and wake up all infected 'n' chit at an army airbase where they quickly go on a man-eating rampage.

Power Kids

Power Kids

Power Kids is an awkward fusion of kids and Thai martial arts cinema. Combine one part Muay Thai with two parts sappy melodrama and you get a final product that just doesn’t measure up to other Thai action flicks.

Sand Serpents

Sand Serpents

Go watch Tremors or Dune instead.

Seagal Week Ends, Mini Reviews Begin

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Newsflash

Thankfully Seagal week has come to an end! Hopefully people enjoy reading the reviews more than I enjoyed watching the films. Watching that many Seagal films in one week is almost more than I could bear.

Marked for Death

Marked for Death

Like him or laugh at him, Steven Seagal sure knew how to kick ass on-screen, and although wooden enough to make a dining table out of, he's got a blockhead appeal and a certain cinematic snap he brings to each feature.

Of course, I'm usually drunk when I press play on his movies, and it only takes me 10 seconds before I think I've seen it before—which I pretty much have seeing as all his stuff is cut from the same plot cloth—wronged hero out on his own, wanting to bust the bad guys.

Kill Switch

Kill Switch

If you’re searching for the worst Steven Seagal movie ever made, make sure you give this one a look. Kill Switch is chock full of bad dubbing, painfully obvious stunt doubles, and appears to have been edited by a drunken epileptic monkey in the midst of a grand mal seizure.

If you’re looking for anything else, stay far away from this movie.

The Foreigner

The Foreigner

Looking more and more like a constipated Elvis Presley with each movie, Steven Seagal is Jon Cold, a secret agent / tuff guy who transports illegal stuff for cash. He runs into bad men who want his current delivery item as he transports it from France to Germany and before ye know it, it's a useless barrage of badly made shit-ball Seagal / Elvis nonsense with Russian gangsters, police corruption, wooden dialogue, hitmen, broken glass, small scale international intrigue and the now standard—and atrociously edited—'action' sequences. Boooooo.

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