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feasting on cinematic leftovers

Into the Sun

Into the Sun

At the time of its release in 2005, Into the Sun was touted as being a return to Seagal’s roots: a solid action film with some good fights. Unfortunately it’s just another straight to video dud in almost every way. It’s nearly 30 minutes into the film before the first fight scene, and the story is so incredibly stupid that it’s not worth the wait.

Out for Justice

Out for Justice

Classic ham-head action from slim-badge Steven Seagal as a bitter, Brooklyn, New Yawk cop troubled by a failing marriage, a love of abandoned puppies and case that involves the carrot stand killing of his cop partner by the quite insane William Forsythe (American Me—95) who has decided to spend his last day on earth shooting up the city, settling scores and running amok.

Belly of the Beast

Belly of the Beast

Elvis Presley...., sorry, Steven Seagal is secret agent man Jake Hopper, a kung fu good guy (with clazy mullet) who goes on a violent, tubby revenge trip when bad men from terrorist group Abu Karaf kidnap his brat daughter while she's sunning her arse on a backpack trip in Thailand. Ho hum.

Half Past Dead

Half Past Dead

One of his last films to receive a theatrical release, Half Past Dead is also a good example of why Seagal's films go straight to video these days.

Ruslan

RuslanAKA: Driven To Kill, Steven (make mine a large) Seagal is again blocking out the sun and causing earth tremors as he barges his way thru' yet another crime/revenge kung fu thriller where he gets to whisper his lines and hold his belly before snapping arms, wrists and backs in fight scenes where he's filmed from behind.

The Keeper

The Keeper

Another season, another Steven Seagal film. If the man has any fans left they may be shocked to discover that while it isn't anything new, The Keeper isn't all that bad.

Seagal Week!

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Lawman

In honor of Steven Seagal's new TV show Lawman, we'll be doing a series of reviews of his films. It's like shark week but with more blubber and frenzied eating.

Smile Before Death

Smile Before Death

Flashy photographer/slapper Rosalba Neri (The Devil’s Wedding Night—73) is shagging the husband of her recently deceased best friend. Wrapped in a vomit coloured towel, she’s having a whale of a time flouncing about the rich estate without a care until spunky Luciana Della Robbia shows up and say’s she’s the step daughter of the widower/husband (Silviano Tranquilli).

Sick Girl

Sick GirlIn many cases a movie title can be misleading or wildly inaccurate, creating an expectation that just isn't true. That is definitely not the case with Sick Girl; before the opening credits have finished rolling, the girl in question has punched out and urinated on a nun, shot up a schoolbus, and cut someone's throat.

I think it's safe to say this isn't a film for everyone.

Voodoo Black Exorcist

Voodoo Black ExorcistOn a south-sea's island, two white guys and a gal (all painted boot-polish black) have a fight when the gal canoodles with the wrong beach dude. After one of the men dies, a ritual erupts and the gal has her rubber head chopped off during the frantic voodoo ceremony and her lover is stabbed, killed and locked up in a fancy coffin.

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