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feasting on cinematic leftovers

The Cabinet of Caligari

The Cabinet of Caligari

While out driving her expensive car, sappy blonde Glynis Johns (Mad About Men—54) breaks down on a remote road and is forced to ask for help at a large, swanky house owned by a mysterious and beardy Doctor played by the great Dan O’Herlihy (Robocop—87). Questioned by Dr. Caligari (O’Herlihy), Glynis automatically freaks out and ends up trapped in the weirdly decorated mansion/asylum where she soon meets more and more strange people much like herself.

X-Cross

X-Cross

You know you’re having a bad vacation when you discover that the local villagers are crazy cultists obsessed with chopping women’s legs off. You know it’s a REALLY bad vacation when that isn’t even the worst problem; a giant-scissor wielding psychopath on a rampage isn’t likely to help anyone relax either.

Spermula

Spermula
The Spermulites of the planet Spermula are threatened by a bigger, tougher planet. So, needing a new  space ball to call home, the weedy Spermulon leader ‘Big Mother’ sends some Spermulonion beings (in female earth human disguise) to earth so they can suck up all the male human sperm they can get their lips on. No, I ain’t fucking high, that’s the odd plot of this quite arty, certainly fartsy outer-space boot-knocking opera from erotic French producer Bernard Lenteric.

Hard Times

Hard Times

In the years before his death, Charles Bronson had been typecast and spent a lot of time making movies that weren’t very good. It’s easy to forget that he was a talented actor that was in some excellent films, including The Magnificent Seven and Once Upon a Time in the West.

Angel of H.E.A.T.

Angel of H.E.A.T

Sexy, spunky, one-time porn goddess Marylin Chambers stars as Harmony, a super-smooth, super-bendy, highly lethal ‘protector’ and secret agent who guards the free world’s ‘First line of defense’ against ‘Satan’s Hordes’.

Exterminator City

Exterminator City

When a film’s opening credits include pornstars, has-beens, and talentless unknowns, you have some idea what you’re in for right off the bat. With tantalizing names like Julie Strain, Fembomb, Lilith Stabs, and Syn Devil, it’s obvious that this is a lineup of stellar thespians.

And then there’s the plot: silly-looking robots are struggling to exterminate flesh-eating rubber bugs. Unfortunately their best “man” has become a serial killer. He likes to peel the flesh off half-naked (or totally naked) women. After a murdering spree he sometimes likes to unwind at robot confession (robot exterminators believe in god?), which doesn’t work all that well since his vocabulary consists of “Boom boom boom!”

A Feel for Murder

A Feel For Murder

Sensitive sketch cop Jeff Fahey wears glasses and coaches a crap baseball team while hunting a killer/rapist that removes the faces of his victims with a Remington combat knife. Jeff works from photo’s and meets blind gal Courtney Cox! who survived an attack and was allowed live coz she can’t see and therefore can’t identify her assailant. Wrong. She felt his face (hence the title) and Jeff sets about pencilling the perp.

Dasepo Naughty Girls

Dasepo Naughty Girls

A movie featuring an entire class getting STD's from a teacher—and each other—sounds like it would be a grim fable or a shocking attempt at humor. Dasepo Naughty Girls (based on a Korean web comic) manages to avoid being either by incorporating some of both. Add in some very entertaining and cute song & dance numbers and you get a film that is sometimes poignant, frequently hilarious, and hugely enjoyable. Dasepo Naughty Girls is a wickedly funny high school romp. If you're going to watch one high school musical, I strongly recommend this one.

Damned in Venice

Damned in Venice

While visiting a graveyard in Venice with his bitch of a sister, a blind mop-head (Renato Cestie) ‘sees’ a mysterious, ghostly couple and their big black dog—casually snacking on a human arm. After further visions and the bizarre death of a crispy aunt, both blindy and sis are forced to live in a great looking haunted boarding house owned by a sinister old couple that talk in cryptic riddles. 

Saikano the Movie

Saikano the Movie

Japan is at war, and their only hope rests with Chise—a teenage girl who is also the ultimate weapon. But what happens when the ultimate weapon falls in love?

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