Skip to main content
feasting on cinematic leftovers

Dhoom 2

Dhoom 2

Supercop ACP Jai Dixit is back, and this time he's after a renowned thief known only as Mr. A, a criminal so devious and ridiculous that he parachutes out the sky, dresses up like an old lady, and then beats people up with a yo-yo snowboard.

While the original Dhoom was stupid, Dhoom 2 catapults the franchise into a world of cinematic hurt even I wasn't expecting. What did I ever do to you to deserve this, Bollywood?

Death Metal Zombies

Death Metal Zombies

Normally, I’ll give any $4 crock of D.I.Y shot-on-video horror flik the vast benefit of the doubt and press play to see what the deal is, but this… pitiful lump of Texan, no budget, living dead poo from ‘Cemetery Cinema’ made me wanna’ press eject within minutes. Ok, I know it’s not intended to be high art, or even basic trash, and it’s obviously a labor of love made by friends, but god damnit, there’s only so much footage of the same 10 zombies coughing up ketchup any mere mortal can withstand.

Dhoom

Dhoom

When a band of fast and furious (or at least disgruntled) bikers get tired of their day jobs waiting tables at a pizza place, they go on a robbing spree that has the entire Mumbai police force up in arms. Only supercop ACP Jai Dixit (Abhishek Bachchan) and his shades can stop them before they rob again, and again. And again, because it takes him a quite a while to stop them.

Cross Mission

Cross Mission

Lead-brained action/exploitation filmed in the Philippines by an all Italian crew and starring Richard Randall, Brigitte Porsh, Peter Hinz and creepy little Ratman (84) himself—Nelson De La Rosa. Low budget and pretty haphazard, much of the plot revolves around a renegade South American army general who wages a personal war against poppy field farmers and ‘contra’ jungle rebels, so you’d be right to expect green-inferno fire-fights, booby traps, helicopters, thrown grenades, shouts of “Nooooooooo!”, machine gun battles and bouts of blocky martial arts from CIA commando Randall and plucky reporter Porsh.

The Boxer's Omen

The Boxer's Omen

If you’re seeking out the indescribably weird, The Boxer’s Omen is a must-see. An insane Hong Kong cocktail of disgusting Thailand black magic, Buddhist spirit-fu, and a bit of martial arts, movies just don’t come much weirder than this one.

Death Promise

Death Promise

Crazy rubbish urban kung fu mess shot in the run down part of NYC and starring Charles 'La Pantera' Bonet as a pint sized, tracksuit wearing karate nut who fights slum landlords when they shut off his water, gas and heating.

Ninja in Action

Ninja in Action

More directionless martial arts crap from the diabolical duo of Producer Tomas Tang and Mr. Ho, this time starring Stuart Steen, Louise Roth, Christine O’Hara and fight choreographer Kent Poon.

Princess

Princess

Princess is definitely not your average animated movie, and it's not your average revenge flick either. 

The animation style is somewhat simplistic but it works. The flashbacks that are presented in actual film—not animated segments—are jarring, and prove effective and unsettling.

Submerged

Submerged

Tub-o-lard (and current winner of the fat Elvis lookalikey contest) Steven Seagal is Cody, a flaccid army-man released from jail to head a Dirty Dozen (67) mission in a hectic action thriller that pulls no punches in a buzzy, souped-up story about neo-cortex thought projection and remote controlled assassins.

Magic of the Universe

Magic Of The Universe poster

Best place yer brain in a jar while you indulge in this stupefying chunk of childish fantasy-ham starring Michael De Mesa as a smarmy circus magician called Jamir who is not only handicapped with a bad beard and a fat side-kick Bojok (Tom Tom), he’s utterly shite at magic and accidentally makes his daughter ‘really’ disappear during a show one night. Shocked and dumfounded (not really), Jamir then spends the rest of the film farting about like a tool in another dimension searching for the missing girl, but don’t cheer just yet... this low budget stinker from the Philippines is sadly, as dumb as they come.

Syndicate content