Looking for the worst Christmas special of all time? I can't say for sure that Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny is that film but if there's something worse I don't want to know about it. It's worse than the Star Wars Holiday Special, and I don't say that lightly. Some evil bastard must have thought this would be a great way to get kids to commit suicide for the holidays; forcing them to watch this should be considered child abuse.
AKA: Zombie Rival: The Super Ninja Master, here’s some incredibly awful super-crap that’ll have you popping corn in hysterics and just one of 1000’s of movies (probably) shat out by Hong Kong producers Joseph Lai and Betty Chan in conjunction with the insane Godfrey Ho.
Boasting “AMAZING ANIMATED SPECIAL EFFECTS!” (at least that’s what the box says), Actium Maximus is a compelling sci-fi socio-political drama with lots of awesome goop-drooling space monster puppets in a land of model cities blue-screened badly behind people running around dressed in goofy alien masks. It’s an intense tale of intrigue played out with space triceratopses that walk as deftly as the battery-operated Spydor toy that my Skeletor action figure used to ride and a megalomaniacal talking box with eyes—the Grand Automaton PolPox—and his army of hovering stalagmites with tentacles.
Normally, I’ll give any $4 crock of D.I.Y shot-on-video horror flik the vast benefit of the doubt and press play to see what the deal is, but this… pitiful lump of Texan, no budget, living dead poo from ‘Cemetery Cinema’ made me wanna’ press eject within minutes. Ok, I know it’s not intended to be high art, or even basic trash, and it’s obviously a labor of love made by friends, but god damnit, there’s only so much footage of the same 10 zombies coughing up ketchup any mere mortal can withstand.
Low budget, filmed in New Orleans monster laughs starring screenwriter Billy Holliday, Chuck Long and Chuck Bush in a pile of slimy swamp trash that opens with creature POV, an asthma attack, a spot of wildlife, some Jaws (74) music and a ridiculous gory murder.
A friend of mine once used the phrase "There's not enough alcohol in the world" in relation to watching another horrible movie, and I think it's a fitting description for Hellroller. If you must watch it, don't do it sober. Actually, don't watch it at all unless you're being forced to see it at gunpoint.
Astoundingly inept half price horror from crock-jock Milligan. Again, it's shot in a tiny house, is badly lit, filmed, recorded,scripted, acted and it's another re-run of his much used plot about a squabbling family of vampires / werwolves, a suprising secret, a considerable will and a sequence of amature dramatics that'd be boo'd off stage at an infant school play.
Non-actor Halle Berry jerks her way thru' this CGI filled cat fart that was shat on by viewers and critics alike. You already know the story, she's a superhero (who this time narrates from beyond the grave) and she dresses and acts like a pussy. Patience Phillips (Halle) is a put upon geek working for Sharon Stone's face-cream company. A company that is poisoning its customers with bad face-goo. Halle finds out and is killed by being blown out of a sewage pipe.
